So I come home today to find my mother watch CBS’s “Blue Bloods,” and who’s on screen but:

THE HAIR.

Like I said, the hair is my dream man, so this was super exciting for me. His real name is Peter Hermann and he’s married to Mariska Hargitay. It seems appropriate that this happened today, because Liz actually mentions him this episode. Also I found this great NPR article about that episode.

Not only did we finally get a dedicated Floyd episode, but we also go the appearance of the one and only Devon Banks. And Tracy finds out he’s related to Thomas Jefferson. Fun for the whole family!

Jack worries that Devon will pitch a better idea than he does — he did, after all, pioneer the concept of 10-second internet sitcoms — and the best counter he has is an NBC salute to fireworks. Liz promises to come up with something better, but some stuff gets in the way.

Liz spots my fav Floyd going into a church in the middle of the day and follows him to find out what he’s doing. When she finds out its an AA meeting, she stays in order to find out his secrets.

This perfectly illustrates how completely insane Liz is. It takes classic rom-com shenanigans and inflates them to a level of craziness: pretending to be an alcoholic. Liz is not adorkable — not that that word was around in 2007 — and she doesn’t do cute things to get guys. She only does batshit things, like this.

But then she uses that craziness to get the man in the end, telling him all her dark secrets:

I’m really sorry about what I did. And I know you can’t forgive me but just to even things out, here is all my weird secret stuff. I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college. I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid, my mom used to turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting. Which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment. Like, never. I have had three doughnuts so far today. Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a country steaks all you can eat buffet and I didn’t leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp. A couple months ago, I went on a date with my cousin. Wow, I am a mess. There is an 80% chance that in the next election I will tell all my friends that I’m voting for Barack Obama but I will secretly vote for John McCain. Here’s one: when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and I would sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently, I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat. And I lied. I have had five doughnuts today.

Again, we’re subverting our rom-com expectations. Her big romantic gesture was super gross and weird. This isn’t a Nora Ephron movie, bitches.

Tonight I went to see some fireworks with my friends, so the “Rockefeller Center Salute to Fireworks” was even funnier to me this time.

Why are Americans so obsessed with fireworks? Do other countries do this?

The Tracy storyline was also great. He has a nightmare that includes Alec Baldwin dressed as Thomas Jefferson, Sally Hemmings, and Maury. Iconic.

Just go watch this episode. If you’ve never watched “30 Rock” before but somehow stumbled on this blog, start with this one.

Bits & Pieces

The writers returned to their room after a couple episodes of absence, and our bff Kevin Miller was MIA.

Number of 2008 election references: 2

Number of Anne Heche references, total all episodes: 2

Kenneth is fine being humiliated since it’s for television.

Character I related to most: Liz, when she ate five donuts

Hints that Kenneth is immortal/mystical/terrifying: All his interactions with Devon are super creepy. Not sure if this counts as evidence. Going to count it as evidence anyway.

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