“It has sex, lies, puberty, betrayal, relay races. MILF Island reflects the drama of the human experience. And isn’t that the essence of art?”

Dear “30 Rock,”

I’m sorry that I have been neglectful in the last week. I promise to not miss anymore days. If you, dear readers, have ideas for silly things I can do to make up for this lapse, please comment with those ideas.

Thankfully, “30 Rock” gave me a great episode to get me back in the swing of things. Well, actually this was just a fine episode that was elevated by the amazing idea that is “MILF Island.”

“MILF Island,” which had been previously mentioned, is some combination of “Survivor” and puberty. Our episode takes place the night of the show’s finale. Jack wants to bask in his glory as the brain behind the show, but PageSizx has reported that one of the TGS writers thinks he’s a “Class-A Moron” and that he should eat his/her poo.

It’s unclear if it was obvious from the beginning that it was Liz or if I just suddenly remembered it, having suppressed the plot of this episode somewhere deep in my memory. Anyway, Liz holds the writers hostage until one of them  confessed, but then she remembers that she did it, and awkwardness ensues.

Jack, for his part, seems really scarred by her words, since he was designated a “Class-A Moron” by the state of Massachusetts and had to overcome being in a special class with a kid named Gilly. Sadly not this Gilly.

And then Jack starts stuttering and I got suckered in and thought the whole thing was really sad. I literally wrote that in my notes: “This is really sad.” I’m just a really big sucker for Liz and Jack’s friendship.

The funniest thing about this episode is that “MILF Island” is playing constantly in the background and the players’ actions and the commentary by the show’s host mirror Liz’s actions. Like Deborah (pronounced Deh-bore-ah), the best MILF of them all (?), Liz isn’t here to make friends. Liz will do anything, including sacrificing her principles, to not have Jack find out it was her. She even lets Kenneth take the fall, but not before he gets a passive aggressive comment in:

I couldn’t lie anymore,sir because everyone knows the weight of a lie makes your soul so heavy that you can’t rise up to heaven. And you don’t look good in jeans from behind.

Ya burnt.

But, of course Jack knows that it was Liz the whole time. And here’s where the episode gets “30 Rock” — there’s no lesson to be learned, no moment of peace. Jack just uses this to blackmail Liz into writing a TV show for Deborah.

On the one hand, I shouldn’t have expected anything else form “30 Rock,” but on the other hand I really wanted to think he didn’t know and this was genuine. Liz told him about the extra foot she was born with so he’d feel better!

The episode’s subplot involved Pete getting his arm stuck in a vending machine and it is FUNNY. Pete does not get enough love and this is a travesty. What a strange, interesting character.

Or maybe Pete isn’t interesting. Isn’t half of television about serious white men in mid-life crises? Maybe what makes Pete interesting is that, instead of being the main, sulky character, he’s the funny background one, whose story we only learn in bits. I’ll think about it.

Bits & Pieces

THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF THE FART MACHINE SKETCH.

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Josh is worried Jack thinks he said it, and Liz replies, “I think you’re safe because I think he forgot you’re a person.” Awkward because it’s true.

One of the MILF Island contestants died when she drunkenly fell into quicksand. Quicksand, I think, is wildly misrepresented on TV. As in it is mentioned way more often than people encounter it in real life. I’ll do some research about this.

Kenneth gets sleepy when he’s stressed. Kenneth and I have that in common.

Character I related to most: Liz, when Tracy thought a Cathy cartoon has plagiarized her life. Specifically this panel:

I read Cathy all the time when I was younger. Like ten years old. In retrospect, that was weird.

Best Tracy one-liner: “I love it up here. It’s hot, it’s loud, there’s no pizza. It’s like Miami.”

Hints that Kenneth is immortal/mystical/terrifying: None really. Maybe a little too obsessed with virtue and goodness?

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