I’ll do it! But only for the attention!

Before we get to the “30 Rock” stuff, I saw “Guardians of the Galaxy” this morning and it was amazing!!! In addition to action, adventure, etc. it was also insanely funny. 10/10 would recommend.

And then I got to watch another of my favorite episodes! Our plots:

1) Floyd is stuck in New York stays with Liz. Uh oh.

2) Jack copes with Devon trying to push him out of GE. His office is on the 12th floor. Uh oh.

3) It’s sandwich day and the writers ate Liz’s sandwich. Only the teamsters know where to get more. Uh oh.

Part of the reason why I love this episode is because I know where the sandwich store is! Or, I guess, if I were a teamster, I know what my sandwich store would be.

Paneantico Bakery, which was right by my high school. They have the greatest sandwiches in the whole universe, and they come with great dipping sauce. All we know about the place the teamsters go is that it is some obscure spot in Brooklyn, and to all the jaded Manhattanites (I googled that, but it still seems wrong) of 30 Rockefeller Plaza, Bay Ridge is definitely obscure.

So I’m standing by that.

As far as “30 Rock” episodes go, this one is pretty depressing. Jack quickly spirals until he ends up somewhere … bad.

At the episode’s start, we find him at Don Geiss’ bedside, reading him the “Communist Manifesto” in hopes that his anger will wake him up. But he quickly bursts into tears (twice in two episodes!).

Then we see him in his old office, now Kathy Geiss’. It’s full of unicorns and photos of Marky Mark/Mark Wahlberg. And apparently she sent the entire company an email that was just a link to photos of cats wearing bow ties.

Bow down.

Bow down.

Jonathan, too, is ripped apart by Jack’s demotion. He suggests that Jack use his government contacts to get a position in D.C., to which Jack responds, “The Bush Administration? … Good God I’d rather work for an American Car Company than work for that sinking ship.”

Jonathan, meanwhile, has made him a beautiful friend collage, and sadly sings “I Will Remember You” by Sarah McLachlan as he leaves.

Screenshot 2014-08-02 14.28.59

I should really try to work in props, because assembling this collage had to be a lot of fun.

Jack and Liz have an awkward encounter in the elevator where he won’t tell her he works on the 12th Floor. Liz is your friend Jack! 😦

So he ends up drunk at Don Geiss’ bedside when a nurse with a ghostly voice (He was struck by lightening as a child. There was a movie.) tells him to leave. He takes this as a sign, and when he goes to Liz for advice, she’s too wrapped up in her stuff to realize he’s flailing.

But she realizes it at the end of the episode when the news show on the airport television reports that Bush has just appointed Jack Homeland Security Director of Crisis and Weather Management.

Oh right, the airport. How did we get there?

Floyd calls Liz and tells her that he’s stuck in New York. She decides,”For once I am not gonna be Jan Brady. I’m gonna be Marcia Brady, dammit.”

And then a football hits her in the nose, seemingly confirming that she is, in fact, Marcia.

Oh my nose!

So Liz looks great and she and Floyd hang out until 4:30 AM and everything is great.

Though this was such an awful thing to say, right? Like, you're the one that left, Floyd.

Though this was such an awful thing to say, right? Like, you’re the one that left, Floyd.

Until Floyd’s airline is cancelled, and he asks if he can stay at Liz’s again. You might think that cancelled airline thing is a joke, but that actually happened to my friend when he was leaving Chile. The airline declared bankruptcy that day and all the flights were cancelled. Not a good time.

But Liz can’t be cool and cute anymore and asks about the girl who answered Floyd’s phone. Just when he’s about to discuss their break-up, he finds out he got a new flight and leaves.

Until Liz is casually running through the park and sees Floyd. She’s in the middle of singing “Bitch,” which reminded me of this iconic scene of someone else in athletic clothes singing this amazing song:

(P.S. Please watch “Orphan Black.” Thanks.)

Anyway so Floyd admits that he’s “The Michael Clayton of Cleveland” because he’s handsome and a lawyer, so he’s been sleeping around, and Liz gets really upset. He really just wants to “Fast forward to being friends again.”

But then he blames her for not moving to Cleveland with him, which is super silly because he could have stayed in New York instead of moving, so the blame is at least equal, if not entirely on him. Expecting someone you just started dating to move to OHIO for you is a crazy thing to do, way weirder than for your girlfriend to be upset that you moved on so quickly and she misses you. This show totally lets Floyd off the hook for all the things he’s done.

And then Jack does something completely unexpected and gives good advice!

Lemon, life is about minimizing regrets. You never know when someone’s going to slip into a coma and leave you regretting all the things you didn’t say, or get in writing from the company’s lawyers. What I’m trying to say is you’re young, and you still haven’t blown it completely. So don’t start now.

So she goes to the airport and reconciles with him. Well, after scarfing down a sandwich at security.

Amazing

Amazing

And they leave the door open for more Floyd in the future.

Meanwhile, the writers ate Liz’s sandwich and have to get a new one from the teamsters. In order to do that, they have to beat them in a drinking contest. Except Kenneth doesn’t drink, Tracy still has an ankle monitor, and Frank has been taking antibiotics. So they ask Jenna:

A drinking contest? What am I 12 and at my boyfriend’s frat party?

Jenna agrees to do it, “but only for the attention,” which honestly is like the only reason I have ever agreed to compete in any sort of drinking game and isn’t nearly as weird as “30 Rock” wants us to think.

Anyway, they all get drunk and sing “Danny Boy” together and get Liz that sandwich. Good job.

Perfect Pairing:

This one is hard because there’s no unifying theme. But, I’m picking “Indianapolis”, the season 3 episode of “Parks and Recreation.” Ron and Leslie go to Indy and all Ron wants is a steak from this specific restaurant, only to find out it’s been closed. It’s very depressing for him. This is also the episode where Ann realizes that Chris broke up with her and she didn’t notice, which feels like a good balance to Liz’s Floyd-angst.

Bits & Pieces:

Best Frank hat: Speling Expirt

Best response to someone saying you look great, via Liz: Do I? I’m pretty tired from playing as hard as I work.

Most accurate depiction of New York: One day it is snowing. The next it is 90 degrees and humid.

An updated ranking of all of Liz’s love interests from best to worst: Gray, Floyd, Dennis, Jamie, Conan, Gretchen the lesbian, that guy Wayne Brady played

Floyd was demoted for being unreasonably mean to Liz. And for using Ghostbuster for evil.

Character I related to most: Jenna, when she agrees to compete in the drinking contest for the attention.

Hints that Kenneth is immortal/mystical/terrifying: He appears completely unaffected by the alcohol, though he does reveal that alcohol is hill people juice, and he’s been drinking it since he was a baby.

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