If all you want is a hug from a black person maybe you should just host “The Price Is Right.”

Before I dive into this completely amazing episode, I want to talk about Kay Cannon. So, I always see her name in the “30 Rock” credits as a writer-producer, but never looked to see who she was. And then after I watched this episode, I put on the end of “Pitch Perfect” and the credits immediately told me that movie was written by Kay Cannon! And she’s writing the sequel. Basically, all the funny people awards for Kay Cannon, because “Pitch Perfect” is an amazing movie. She also writes and EP’s on “New Girl.” I hope she came up with True American.

IMDB tells me that this was a more relevant tangent than I thought, because she co-wrote this episode with Tina.

Moving on!

Two main plots:

1) Liz participates in a program to buy Christmas presents for underprivileged kids, but then she thinks she got scammed.

2) Jack accidentally hits his mother with his car, so Colleen is staying for Christmas. He’s afraid he really tried to kill her, so he makes TGS do a Christmas Eve special so he can stay away from her.

The first part is funny. The second is funny and touching.

In the first, Liz is overcompensating because her parents aren’t spending Christmas with her this year:

Of course I’m gonna wrap them, because that’s what you do on Christmas. What you don’t do is call your daughter on December 22, and tell her that you don’t really feel up to hosting Christmas this year, because she’s 38, and you thought that she’d have “her own family by now.” And that instead, you’re going to a couples-only retreat in Arizona, the theme of which is “sexy at 70.”

It’s unclear what her brother is doing for Christmas this year.

So she buys presents for underprivileged kids, and brings them to their apartment uptown at 245th Street and Lawrence Taylor Boulevard. (These is only a 245th Street in Queens, so wow “30 Rock.”) But kids don’t answer the door; adults do. Liz decides to go back and call them out for being scammers, but then kids answer and she tells them she bought their Christmas presents:

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You tried, LL.

Meanwhile, Jack waited 8 minutes from when he hit his mother to when he called an ambulance, so he’s pretty worried about his subconscious murderous urges.

But he really just doesn’t want to let her ruin another Christmas. His childhood was apparently filled of creepy Christmases where she hit on some guy while she played piano. Man, bitterness about the past sound familiar…

JACK IS ELSA

JACK IS ELSA

But then he realizes that her man friend was FAO Schwartz, and she would seduce him every Christmas to buy her kids presents. Aw?

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It ends with a touching song, so what more can we ask for? Nothing.

Perfect Pair

We need something Christmas-y, nostalgic, and emotional. I’ll pick the last Christmas episode of “The Office,” which involves the traditions of the Pennsylvania Dutch and Dwight and Pam’s mutual sadness that Jim works in Philly.

Bits & Pieces

Liz has been working on an impression of Nic Cage as Saint Nick.

One of Colleen’s suitcases is just wigs. Diva.

We finally pay attention to Sue for a second in this episode:

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Pete reveals that his parents got divorced when he was 9, ruining every subsequent Christmas. This maybe helps explain why he never divorces his wife, despite his unhappiness. Though, that’s always felt like his personal mental problem more than their marital problem.

Jeff Richmond appears again as the piano player. Apparently his character is named Alonso.

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Jenna really shines at Christmas.

Character I related to most: Jenna, singing Christmas carols for attention

Hints that Kenneth is immortal/mystical/terrifying: He and his brother went to Neverland Ranch. Eek.

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