I’m saying the Disneyfication of New York is over, everyone. At the stroke of midnight, your Lexus is going to turn back into a hot pile of rats fighting over a human finger.

So while I was watching this episode, Mallory Ortberg, who’s very funny on Twitter and is in charge of The Toast tweeted this:

As y’all know from my frequent rankings of Liz’s love interests, I TOTALLY AGREE. Gray was so tall and handsome. He was maybe a little too hip for Liz, but it still seems like a missed opportunity.

Moving on to the topic at hand, our episode:

1. Liz has to retrieve her phone from a cabbie in Queens, even though he wants $2000 for it, it contains “an adult photo” of her that Drew took.

2. Tracy goes on Larry King just as the Asian markets suddenly downturn. Larry asks him about it and his answers cause mass panic and rioting in New York.

3. Elisa wants Jack to commit. He tells her he loves her, so she decides to skip her vacation in P.R. to be with him. But when he goes back to work to deal with the aforementioned mass panic, she leaves him. He finds her on the street and proposes, but in the morning she chalks it all up to the crazy emotions they felt during the fake crisis and goes to P.R., telling him they need space to think.

Jack’s plot really focuses on the tension he feels between wanting to be the playboy executive who doesn’t take things seriously and wanting to love someone and be with them. His attempts at commitment are initially framed mostly as a way to finally have sex with Elisa (I was actually really happy that this was the framing, since last episode left me wondering how super Catholic Elisa was OK having sex with Jack), but by the end of the episode he’s visibly upset that Elisa doesn’t want to be engaged right now.

Also, he made them swag with their couple name on it. That’s a man in love.

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Liz has to tell Kenneth they’re friends so he’ll go to Queens with her.

JANIE JIMPLIN

JANIE JIMPLIN

When she tells him they aren’t friends, he leaves, only to return and declare his friendship once more. The taxi driver makes fun of her because all the numbers in her phone are work numbers: Does she have any friends?

Does she? There’s Jack, and sort of Jenna, sort of. She confides in Pete sometimes, but rarely do they interact in a meaningful way on camera. By the end of the series, I’d say she really does love her co-workers, but I’m not sure she’s got more than Jack right now.

But I also don’t think that’s as depressing as I made it sound just now. Aristotle thought we could only have as many friends as he could live with — we need that constant contact to keep us together. Jack and Liz constantly contact, making their friendship particularly strong. And I generally believe in quantity over quality.

Still, Jack and Liz continue to search for more. Though, on the whole, season 3 has been way more concerned with Jack’s existential crises than with Liz’s. Jack’s a much more dramatic person though.

Bits & Pieces

Best Frank hat: Emotional Friend

Since Elisa won’t have sex with Jack, Liz bros out because she’s had sex two more times than Jack this year. Things are going well with Doctor Drew, obviously.

After the taxi driver asks Liz for money:

Liz: I’ll definitely do that. On opposite day.

Taxi driver: I’m new to this country. Is that a real thing?

This is an epic Jonathan episode, in which we learn so much about him:

  • He calls him and Jack “Jackonathan.”
  • He keeps a VCR in the office so he can watch Jack’s old football tapes.
  • He secretly tapes himself in Jack’s office playing the flute shirtless.

I will be so sad when Jonathan pulls a Josh and goes mysteriously missing.

Tracy calls himself a “devil’s avocado.” This is funny to me because, in French, the word for lawyer and avocado is the same. Avocat.

Liz knows all the German words to “99 Luft Balloons.”

We never see Liz’s birthday, but Kenneth informed us it’s in November.

Best Jack line: ” I was about to do the whole run to the airport thing like Ross did on Friends and Liz Lemon did in real life.”

A ranking of Jack’s love interests from best to worst: Elisa, C.C., Condaleeza Rice, Bianca, Maureen Dowd, Phoebe.

Elisa, like Nancy will later, helps Jack deal with all his repressed Catholicism.

Hints that Kenneth is immortal/mystical/terrifying: His favorite lullaby as a child was “The day is done my sweet for the lambs have been decapitated.”

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