So some family emergency stuff got between me and “30 Rock” the last few days, but I’m back. So.

Jack asks Liz if her 2010 is off to a good start right at the start of the show and I had this moment of “Wow, it’s 2014, this was almost 5 years ago at this point.” This was sort of telling because quite a few things in this episode felt very 2010.

First our plots:

1. James Franco hires Jenna to be his beard so he can hide his relationship with a Japanese body pillow. This is one of my all-time favorite plots because self-aware James Franco is the best Franco. Also it ends in the greatest threesome of all time:

Screenshot 2014-09-14 22.03.04

2. Liz’s gay cousin Randy comes to visit New York because he’s fighting with his parents since Liz outed him at New Year’s. He wants to run around and party and Liz wants to “stay here, make nachos, and see who can fall asleep the earliest.” Obviously Liz’s idea is much better. Then he locks her in a closet and tries to runaway with a gay sailor who’s quitting the Navy so they can get married in Massachusetts. THIS IS SO 2010 because Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was still a thing and you couldn’t get gay married in New York. You could only get gay married in five states. Now almost half the country lives in a state with gay marriage. Yay!

3. Jack and Kenneth break into Nancy’s house to delete “an answering machine message” he drunkenly left for her. He is surprised that she has a voicemail and not an answering machine. Jack, what r u doin. Jonathan did not do well this episode as Jack drastically favored Kenneth over him. 😦  Anyway, Jack realizes Nancy is effectively divorced but figures she’s not interested in him UNTIL Kenneth realizes her voicemail password spells out his name from German class, “Klaus.” We need a moment to acknowledge that this is the weirdest thing ever.

Bits & Pieces

Liz leaves drunk messages for Cerie

People have started using “Lemon” as a verb to mean screwing up. She and Britta should start a support group.

Randy sees a Hassidic Jew and asks “You have amish here?” I snorted.

Character I related to most: Tracy when he tells everyone his wife is pregnant, then adds, “And it gets better. I just had a burrito.” #teamburritos

Randy: “The local television station edited down ‘Will and Grace’ so much that it was just called Karen.”

An updated ranking of Jack’s love interests from best to worst: Nancy, Elisa, C.C., Condaleeza Rice, Bianca, Maureen Dowd, Phoebe.

NANCY IS CLEARLY WHO JACK SHOULD HAVE ENDED UP WITH. #TEAMNANCY FOR LIFE.

An updated ranking of all of Liz’s love interests from best to worst: Gray, Stewart LaGrange, Floyd, James Franco, Dennis, Jamie, Conan, Gretchen the lesbian, Drew, that guy Wayne Brady played, Gavin Volure.

I’m not sure about Drew’s placement. He’s so hot, but so, so dumb.

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