I don’t think you should come to my cousin’s police academy graduation or my other cousin’s parole party. Boy, I hope those two don’t eventually have a showdown that pits family against justice.

Another great episode. It’s looking like season 3, after an ehh start, is, in fact, my favorite season.

But before I talk about this episode, I want to tell you that today I saw paradise.


This wasn’t my first time by 30 Rock, obviously, but I still couldn’t help but get excited just seeing it there. And I figured this blog deserved a record of my hijinks.

Our plots:

1. Elisa’s grandma hates Jack because he looks like the bad guy on her telenovela, The Generalissimo. He gets Sheinhardt to buy the show so he can change the character and make grandma like him.

2. Liz accidentally gets the mail of her neighbor, who, she discovers, is a divorced doctor who loves “Muppets Take Manhattan,” “Caddyshack,” and “a document about how pies are made.” She uses the mail to turn herself into his ideal mate, with disastrous results, including accidental roofies.

Also, did I mention it’s Jon Hamm?

Screenshot 2014-08-15 21.16.49

3. TGS has new interns — former Wall Street bankers who have no skills but partying, but Tracy struggles to keep up with them. He buys and reopens Lehman Brothers so they will leave him alone.

I really appreciate Jack’s plot because everything had gotten so heavy with him lately. We’re taking a step back from the edge of his mid-life crisis-ness and having fun again!

Also, I will offer an anecdote to vouch for the validity of this plot. My own grandmother also has a crazy love of soap operas. She now hates James Franco because he played a serial killer on “General Hospital,” her favorite show, and he was really mean to her favorite character, Jason Morgan. Any time James Franco is mentioned on the news or in a commercial, she mentions how much she hates him.

Soaps are serious.

Meanwhile, Liz continues her socially awkward streak. It’s the crazy, surreal conclusion of what we’ve all done. OK, what I’ve done — pretend to like something because the person you like it into it. But who can blame her for going crazy in order to get a chance with Jon Hamm?

And Tracy’s plot actually only brings home my point from yesterday, that this show is lampooning rich white men just as much as anyone else. Finance bros really are as awful as “30 Rock” makes them seem.

Perfect Pairing

“Arrested Development” has had a lot of episodes with roofies; G.O.B. even starts calling them “Forget-Me-Nows.” But I just watched the episode with the first roofie-centric plot last weekend: “For British Eyes Only.”

Bits & Pieces

Jack: Only the special tours get to see Conan without his wig.

Running gags about Conan are the best.

Jack blames Nancy Pelosi for the economic downturn.

The Generalissimo is the spokesman for everyone’s favorite fake Cheetos:

Screenshot 2014-08-15 21.25.00


Jack doesn’t believe Metrocards are real.

Tracy hates the bro life: Have you ever tasted scotch? It’s terrible! And this thing they call box seats at the Rangers game? It’s so cold!

Jack gets Liz to write the soap scripts and Elisa has to edit out the “Star Wars” references.

Jenna has both been drugged and drugged other people.

Abuela tells Jack NBC news is too sad, so the TODAY Show adds a segment that’s just pictures of cute Latino babies. Matt Lauer is not into it.

Character I related to most: Liz when she ends her description of her seduction plan with, “AND THEN I WILL PUT MY MOUTH ON HIS MOUTH.”

An updated ranking of all of Liz’s love interests from best to worst: Drew, Gray, Stewart LaGrange, Floyd, Dennis, Jamie, Conan, Gretchen the lesbian, that guy Wayne Brady played, Gavin Volure.

Drew skyrockets to the front because he’s so full of promise. The promise will be quickly squandered, but #spoilers.

Hints that Kenneth is immortal/mystical/terrifying: None.